The kind of mom I want to be

I'm a completely different mom now than I was when Jax was a baby. Ok, well maybe not completely... I still worry about little things (Ryan calls it hypo-momdria), I still like to check on them every.single.night. before I go to bed, and I still ooze baby-love out of every pore in my body. Except for when Jax is driving me batty, but I digress.

BUT, overall, I have definitely grown and learned and changed... and, if I do say so myself, it is completely for the better. 

These days, I lean a lot more towards attachment parenting than I did with Jax. Don't get me wrong, we don't co-sleep all night and I don't carry my baby all the time, but I am still breastfeeding exclusively, as in, she's never even had a bottle of pumped milk, and I don't let her cry it out nearly as much as I did with Jax. I hated it back then, but was told it was the best way to get your kids to sleep. And while I do think it has it's place to a degree, these days I would rather snuggle Lexi and make sure she feels secure. And if that means nursing her back to sleep, then so be it. 

These days, I want to be the kind of mom whose kids never, ever question my love for them.

I want to be the kind of mom who is always honest with my kids, even if that leads to hard conversations. 

I want to be the kind of mom who says yes to games, and crafts, and play-doh, and catch.

I want to be the kind of mom who teaches my kids about healthy, real food and why it is so important to eat it.

I want to be the kind of mom who teaches my kids as many things as I can, even though other people may think they're too young. Doing laundry, putting dishes away, using kitchen knives, making meals, painting bedrooms, organizing and purging toys, using tools, giving back to those in need, being friends with people no matter what they look like... these are all things that are so important for my children to learn from an early age. 

I want to be the kind of mom who is able to calmly respond to frustrating circumstances, without yelling and losing my temper. (I have to say, I am honestly getting better at this, although it is definitely still a work in progress)

I want to be the kind of mom whose kids are kind, compassionate, loving, and giving.

I want to be the kind of mom who remembers that my kids are only little once. I'll blink and they'll be graduating high school, moving out, getting married, and having kids of their own. So I want soak each of these moments in. To enjoy their little-ness. To make memories. To have a household that is full to the brim with love. 

I want to be the kind of mom who shows her kids how incredibly important their relationship with Jesus is. To be a daily living, breathing example of the single most important decision that they will make in their lifetime. And that they will see that being a Christian is not about rules and things we "can't do", but it's about a relationship with their creator, the savior of their little lives. The one who loves them more than I do, as impossible as that seems. 

Above all, I want to be the kind of mom who never fails them. I know that is impossible because we are all sinners and we live in an imperfect world. But God gave me those two beautiful kids because I am the perfect mom for them. So even when I'm losing my mind and things seem out of control and I feel like the world's worst mom, I want to remember that to them, I am perfect. And I will give my all, each and every day to live up to that. 

Because they are so worth it.

{Mother's Day}