Poopy poop poop

That word has so many meanings on so many levels. It's what fills Jax's diapers anywhere from 1 to 5 times a day. It's also what spills out into his clothes (time to move him from NB to size 1 diapers). It's how I've been feeling for the past week. It's what my post-baby body looks like. 

Yuck.

For some reason these past 7 or 10 days have just been yucky. I was feeling ok about my baby body, but now it's bugging me. I'm sick of having a flabby tummy. I'm sick of wearing the same clothes over and over because nothing else fits. I'm sick of looking flabby in the clothes that do fit. I'm sick of seeing such a high number on the scale. I'm sick of feeling like I'm not being an attractive wife. I'm just sick of it all. 

I'm fully aware that it's only been 7 weeks. And that I wasn't even allowed to workout until last week. But that doesn't make me feel better. I'm also aware that I will never have the same body I did before I got pregnant. But that doesn't make me feel better either. I can't believe I used to think I wasn't skinny. I would kill for my size 6 body back. Seriously! 

I miss feeling pretty. I miss getting my hair and nails done. I miss getting waxes (even though they hurt like you-know-what). It's so hard to have the desire to do my hair and make-up in the morning when I know I'm not going to be doing much all day. If I do it, I feel like it's a waste of time. If I don't do it, I feel like poop. On top of that, comfy clothes are pretty much all that fits. Plus it's so much more convenient when I have to sit and feed Jax every 2 hours. But again, if I get all dressed, I feel like it's a waste of time. If I don't get dressed, I feel like poop. It's a vicious circle that has really been getting to me recently. 

Okay... I'm done living in my own little pity party and I'm on to new resolutions. I deserve to feel pretty again. Accomplishing that requires some effort on my part (going for a 2 mile walk every morning and eating healthier) and it requires some money (hair and nails). But I deserve it. All mommies do. This is my new job and if I were working outside the house, I would make an effort to look good. So I should do the same thing here. I refuse to be one of those moms who wears sweats all day and forgets her old self. I deserve better. Ryan and Jax definitely deserve better. It's my new goal!

On a little side note, Jax started SMILING!!! He is seriously the cutest kid on the face of the earth. Yipee!

He also loves to sit wide-eyed and look around. He stares at ceiling fans forever! And he loves to lay on his back and play. It's awesome!